Monday 31 May 2010

Turn Up Your Confidence Control

Day 15

Generally I’m quite meagre when it comes to spending money on clothes for myself, especially when I also have three growing daughters to buy for. Today though I did something quite out of character and splashed the cash on not one designer dress but three. Yes three!

One of the reasons I rarely splash out, is simply because I rarely find good fitting clothes that I feel good wearing. According to my colour and shape analysis I am a slight, slim pear. For everyday wear I get by but when buying an outfit for a special occasion that’s when I tend to become unstuck.

There have been numerous shopping trips in the past where after a few hours traipsing the shops I have just given up and gone home disheartened – it's not so easy to admit defeat when you are reinforcing the matter of not taking NO for an answer. I persevered and started browse through the costlier ranges, not that I hadn’t looked at these previously. The difference before was not feeling I deserved to spend that money on myself.

So I have been extravagant and I know that when the opportunity arises to wear these gorgeous dresses I will feel fabulous both inside and out – a little tip I often share for turning up the confidence control.

Just hope my colour and shape advisor approves!

Sunday 30 May 2010

The Right Way, Wrong Way And Your Way

Day 13 and 14

Fell off the 30 day challenge Wagon yesterday so hope to catch up’ wrote one of my fellow 30 day challengers.

I understand exactly what was being implied but why do we have to be so hard on ourselves sometimes?

My first reaction to reading this was ‘How can you fall off the wagon when you set your own rules?’ Who set the criteria? Who said you had to blog every day?

I guess what was happening here was that like all situations we encounter our minds search for a point of reference. Some familiar link, but if it’s a new situation, a new pattern which isn’t yet habitual then your mind will try hard to link past experiences to the new experience. The result typically is old thoughts, beliefs and patterns of behaviour continue to show up. In this instance I would hazard a guess that ‘shoulds’, ‘musts’ and ‘oughts’ were showing up.

If we want to grow and develop though the words of Albert Einstein are worth remembering, "We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them."

By staying true to yourself and listening to your intuition you are far less likely to sabotage yourself.

You, and only you, can determine what works best for you, as Michael Neill so eloquently put it, 'There’s a right way a wrong way and YOUR way'.

Friday 28 May 2010

What’s Your Why?

Day 12
Driving to the hairdressers this morning I caught myself thinking negatively about a task I need to complete in the next few days. If I didn’t have my current level of focus (thanks to this challenge) then I could very easily have started to slide off track, procrastinated and used every excuse under the sun as to why I should avoid carrying out the task.

Luckily, I know where I am heading and this task is just one of the steps that make up my journey to attain one of my current goals.

It’s only natural when we first set goals to feel excited and motivated, that feeling can carry us along for several days, or even weeks. But then, what happens? That little internal voice in your head starts harping on about the past, trying in vain to persuade you to keep those limiting beliefs and that’s one of the challenges people face when they set goals. They cannot stay focused on attaining the goal consistently and momentum dwindles.

Probably the most important approach to maintaining focus is to know your ‘why’ - the reasoning behind the goal. When the reason is strong or convincing enough, motivation to act will follow naturally.

It’s to be expected that those nagging doubts will creep in, I think that’s the universes way of ‘testing’ us. Testing us to see how much we truly want something and to see if we are prepared to do whatever it takes to achieve it.

Thursday 27 May 2010

One Small Consistent Action = Big Results

Day 11
Over one third of the way through this 30 day challenge and I must say I have really enjoyed putting my thoughts out there, it’s a great way to become super focused and spend some time totally focused on me! Any other mum’s out there will know exactly what I mean and any of you who have ever worked with me will know often I stress the importance of taking time out foryourself. Be nice to ‘me ‘ days.

Now I’ve reached this milestone I thought I’d reflect on my journey so far. As I already said there has been much learning along the way, beliefs to eradicate, fears to face etc but one thing I wrote about on day 2, Are you an amateur or a professional, sent my mind into a whizz and got me thinking once again about taking consistent action. Constantly taking a step in the right direction.

We don’t always need to take great big leaps, sometimes we need to remember the importance of all the baby steps that help us consistently move us towards our end goal. I ‘m a great believer in breaking things down into small manageable steps. That means by the end of this challenge I will be 30% better than I was when I started.

Imagine where you could be in one year if you took just one small step forward each day. 365% better than you are today! Now that’s something to aim for.

Wednesday 26 May 2010

Are You Feeling Overwhelmed?

Day 10

They say that when you are a coach your clients often bring you your own issues. Funny that, for the last two days I have worked with my VIP clients and there was definite common thread running through the sessions.

That thread being a feeling of overwhelm. A topic which I wrote about on day 5 of this challenge. I’d even go as far to say it is one of the biggest challenges women in business face.

The trouble is the more overwhelmed we feel the less responsive we become to finding solutions. Overwhelm also shows up in many ways, too much to do, indecisiveness, lack of prioritisation, fear, stress, focusing on the negatives and so on.

Let us not forget though that we all have choices, we choose our response to any given situation.

This poem is a great reminder that we are in control of our lives rather than our lives controlling us.

Overcoming Overwhelm

Too much to do, so little time.
When will it all end, beyond my prime?

It’s hard to believe, we have the power,
To shift our thoughts, and soon encounter,
A different outcome to our repetitive day,
A different feeling, a different way.

It takes some rigor, and consistent action,
To see the change and get some traction.
When you imagine and believe it is true,
Then the possibilities are endless for you!

Tuesday 25 May 2010

Are You Hiding From Yourself?

Day 9 and today is the first day of my 30 day challenge where no obvious topic staring me in the face that I could write about. But me being me, my persistence paid off when I asked myself the simple question, ‘What will you not take NO for answer for today’? Admittedly I had to ask the question a few times before anything significant surfaced but when it did it hit me hard.

The point is we need to be brutally honest with ourselves, take stock and a look at where you‘re at.

After family, honesty and integrity sit high on my list of values. My realisation today has been that I am not always honest with myself. Along with that insincerity comes a diminished self worth. Confidence on the other hand comes with knowing who you are and accepting your imperfections.

Physically I could be taking more care of my body. Why I have chosen at some level to repress or deny issues regarding my health before now I’m not yet sure. Maybe because I believe that you get what you focus on and therefore avoid the issue.

I remember reading an article where a young girl became pregnant at just 13 and literally ignored the pregnancy until she could not hide it anymore. I recall feeling sad that she didn’t feel able to confide in anyone else but also I understood her fear.

So back to my health – perhaps I have been foolish to take it for granted up until now. Being healthy, feeling healthy is important to me – time to reprioritise my values maybe!

Monday 24 May 2010

Are You Over Complicating Things?

In case you missed my blog last Monday, I wrote about my self imposed 30 day challenge that i'm under taking, just for a bit of fun! Today we reach day 8.

What I wasn’t expecting was the huge amount of personal learning that this has thrown up, simply by focusing on one small aspect of my reactions to the statement ‘I’m not taking No for an answer’. Feel free to read through the earlier posts and see if anything resonates with you. I’d love to have you join me on this challenge.

This morning as I was walking my dog Boddington, along the seafront my thoughts turned to a presentation I need to make in a couple of weeks. The words fail to plan, plan to fail were swimming in my mind as I pondered over what subject to present on.

Interestingly, I caught myself thinking ‘I must make a good impression’. Why? Well of course I want to do well, but surely thoughts like this lead to putting a significant amount of unnecessary pressure on myself.

I continued on my walk and mulled this over some more and came to the conclusion that not only am I being harsh I’m also over complicating things.
Why do we do that? We can so easily over think the simplest of tasks, making them more complicated and more stressful than they need to be.

A couple of weeks ago my husband sat down with my six year old daughter to play a ‘maths’ game she had brought home from school. He set it up with her help and proceeded to read the instructions – but he just couldn’t get it. He’d fallen into the trap of expecting it to be harder than it actually was.

And here was I do exactly the same. I expect there are times when you do to. The anecdote is to KISS. Keep it Simple, Stupid.

Aha, I think I've found the topic for my presentation!

Sunday 23 May 2010

Are you valuing yourself highly?

Day 6/7 I'm Not Taking No for An Answer

The other day my mentor made a passing comment whist discussing our value in the market place, what we charge, our hourly or daily rates and how that equates to the value we place on ourselves.

Then last evening whilst flicking through a book on wealth creation I stumbled across a tool I’m very familiar with, a simple but highly effective tool that many of my coaching colleagues use to help people find balance in their lives, the Wheel of Life.

This got me thinking about what areas of my life I perhaps don’t place enough value on myself and I started to question why I’m not fully living my values in those areas. After all if I don’t value myself how can I expect anyone else to?

You see the level of think you currently have has got you to where you are today. I’ve done a lot of personal development over the years and I’m doing well, I’m very happy in my life but like everyone else I still have habitual thinking patterns that can hold me back. They are patterns that run unconsciously in our minds. So to grow, or make changes, you need to regularly evaluate where you are and challenge your current level of thinking. It’s one of the contributing factors to being successful.

I know what areas I need to work on, how about you? Where could you be making improvements, what thoughts do you have that are holding you back? What’s that internal voice saying to you?

By the way, if you want to get paid more, you have to work harder – on yourself.

Friday 21 May 2010

There Has To Be Another Way

It’s only natural in the early days of setting up and running your own business that you may feel that there is far too much to do and not enough time to do it all.

Four years on and I still find the demands on my time and energy to be overwhelming at times despite a fair amount of outsourcing that goes to my wonderful VA, Tracy.

But there are only 24 hours in a day and there is only one of me!

Something I accepted about myself today was that I actually put a lot of pressure upon myself unnecessarily. I have a tendency to try and do too much and please everyone bar myself.

So enough is enough, it’s time to up the ante and rise to a higher level. ‘There has to be another way’ as Jason Vale ‘The Juice Master’ would say.

After all top earners outsource just about everything they possibly can in order to focus 100% on the things that they excel at.

If you aren’t familiar with the 80/20 rule or The Pareto’s Principle as its otherwise known then it’s a general rule that states 20% of your effort will produce 80% of your results.

Therefore I’ve been mulling over which of the daily business tasks and activities will either generate the most revenue or tasks that only I can do – the 20%. The rest can be eliminated, outsourced or automated.

If it works for Warren Buffett, the richest man in the world then I’m not opposed to taking a leaf out of his book.

Thursday 20 May 2010

How Often Do You Upset The Apple Cart?

Day 4 Not Taking No For An Answer Challenge

Have you ever attended a meeting with the full intention of sharing your views only to leave an hour or so later, kicking yourself for not speaking up?

Mmm, I can recall many a meeting in my previous career where I felt my opinions would be of little interest or of value. I would choose to remain quiet or neutral in debates for fear of upsetting the apple cart because of my desire to be liked.
A desire we all have, we all want others to think highly of us. We all want to feel important. I laugh when I look back now, but there are still occasions when I could easily slip back into those old behaviours.

Take today for example, a meeting with the other Hampshire Winning Women Business Award judges to finalise the arrangements for the award ceremony on June 24th. We’re a great team (of course,I handpicked them) and even when there was a difference of opinion I stuck by my guns. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t being stubborn or selfish,
I listened carefully, view the situation from all points of view and we reached a flexible compromise based on what was fair and acceptable to us all. We have a positive way forward and no one thinks any the less of me.

What I’ve learned along the way is that we are liked because others appreciate what we bring to their lives, what we do, how we act and if we allow fear to get in the way and fail to speak up and voice our opinions then we will never let anyone see who we really are. And if they cannot see us as our true selves then they will never get to know us or like us.

By the way, the buffet for the ceremony sounds delicious, the awards look fabulous and we now have some super sponsors. Nominations are open until June 3rd make your nomination here

Wednesday 19 May 2010

What Do You Have To Lose? - Facing Your Fears.

Surrounding yourself with positive people and connecting with other likeminded women is vital for the survival of your business.

I don’t know about you but have you ever found spending time with so called ‘friends’ leaves you drained of energy and feeling lethargic? I know I have.

Nowadays those ‘friends’ receive less and less of my time. I’m far busier of course, but alongside that busyness a conscious decision was made to move away from these ‘friends’ and spend more time with people who inspire me, energise me, make me laugh , people who are dynamic, vibrant and just great company.

Just this morning as I walked the dog along the seafront I met one such wonderful woman. Let’s call her Chris, after all that’s her name. We’d only chatted for a short time but I already knew we are going to be great friends and I’m looking forward to meeting up with her again.

Another such person is Shuri, one of my coaches who’s working with me on developing my presentation skills. I have a deep rooted fear of public speaking but I also know that when I overcome this my life and business will be far greater. Even though I was challenged today to step out of my comfort zone and it felt uncomfortable at times I have immense determination to face this head on. This is one area of my life where I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer.

As Les Brown says,“When you face your fear, most of the time you will discover that it was not really such a big threat after all. We all need some form of deeply rooted, powerful motivation / it empowers us to overcome obstacles so we can live our dreams.”

What are you resolving to face up to today?


As a final note, the childcare problem is resolved and I’ve even found a wonderful person to walk the dog – Warwick here I come. Although I haven’t relished the idea of asking for support I have been pleasantly surprised by the willingness of others to help. Saying that I’m not keen to make a habit of it!
How grateful I am to have so many wonderful people in my life.

Tuesday 18 May 2010

Are You An Amateur Or Professional

The difference that really makes the difference between those women who run their businesses successfully and those who have intermittent success is their business mindset.

It’s their attitude or approach to running their business that is significantly different. Let me explain.

It must be about four years ago when my then mentor described the difference between those who ‘play at having a business’ and those who go out there and really make it happen. It was the bit about those who ‘play’ at business that struck a chord. Ouch I resonated with that!
I wasn’t taking things as seriously as I could have. I was terribly naïve and had foolishly hoped that by coaching a few friends, they would refer me and the business would take off, I’d do a little bit of advertising (in all the wrong places I might add) and that would be sufficient. So when my mentor talked about investing time, effort and money right from the start I knew I had to go back to basics, review my plans, rewrite my goals and start afresh like a ‘professional’ rather than the amateur I had been.

In this context I'm referring to an amateur as someone who probably wakes up in the morning and thinks ‘Oh I’m not feeling particularly motivated, it’s a warm sunny day. I don’t think I’ll make those follow up calls today, I’ll do them tomorrow instead.’
A professional on the other hand will do the things they need to do whether they feel like it or not. A professional will adopt an attitude that says ‘I’m going to do one thing, one task or activity every single day to grow my business.’

Bear in mind that if that is the case, then over the course of one year, 365 days, just imagine what a difference one small tiny step would impact on your business development.
If your mindset isn’t right then you are only going to achieve limited success. It’s so vital to get your mindset, your attitude right.

So, why then knowing this, did I wake up this morning thinking like an amateur?

Maybe because the childcare issue from yesterday was still not resolved and I’d subconsciously attached those feelings to the day ahead? Possibly, here’s the thing, having a heightened awareness of my thoughts I was quickly able to change them. As soon as I noticed this thought pattern I turned my focus towards all the exciting things that were planned to happen today and happen they did.

Firstly, two friends are happy to look after the girls for me on Friday afternoon. Asking wasn’t as difficult as I’d imagined, it was all in my mind. Secondly, today was one of my monthly optional ‘call in days’ for my VIP and Make it Happen clients to pick up the phone and ask questions, sound out ideas, have laser coaching etc. Wow, 12 calls and what wonderful achievements and breakthroughs taking place. Well done to all of you, you certainly aren’t taking ‘No’ for an answer.

Monday 17 May 2010

Will you be brave enough to join me and take the challenge?

Yesterday I was set a challenge by my coach and business mentor. The context of which, was set around ‘sales’. Good timing - as one of the most challenging aspects for me running my business is closing a sale. Sound familiar? Mmm thought so.

Anyway, our challenge was to face our fear and not take no for an answer. I pondered this on the way home and decided to widen the remit, after all if I am going to face up to something that challenges me , then what other fears do I need to break through? What other areas of my life and/or my business could I apply the ‘I’m not taking no for an answer’ mantra to? I realised there were quite a few.

So just for fun I’ve decided to make ‘I’m not taking No for an answer’ my focus for the next 30 days. I’ll be diarising my thoughts, fears, challenges and successes in my blog and I’d like to invite you to join me.

Why? Because when you become aware, truly aware of your patterns of behaviour you can change them. If you are letting those patterns of behaviour hold you back and allowing them to run your life instead of you running it, then you aint gonna get very far. They say it takes 30 days to create a new habit or pattern and I believe that life changes when you change.

So if you want more clients, more me time, more fun, more sales, more productivity, more leisure time, more anything then let’s face the fears head on and do it together. Let’s make it happen.

Day 1

1. Why can’t I upload this photograph to my laptop?

So here’s my first challenge. I’ve done it before so in my book that means I can do it again. There’s a positive! But I feel myself getting increasingly frustrated as time ticks away. “I should be working, this isn’t being very productive” I keep telling myself. So why do I persist? Because I know that by shouting out my plan to the world (uploading the photograph relevant to this post) I’m more likely to take the necessary actions to achieve it. Just by telling people alone will motivate me into taking action. So I persist. “Give up this is too hard” I hear again, but then I hit the right button and hey presto! Persistence paid off. Photo uploaded. I didn’t take no for an answer.

2. My childcare arrangements for Friday have just fallen through.

For those of you who don’t yet know, my hubby is away and the consistent, trustworthy support I’d previously relied upon is no more. I’m supposed to be spending the day thrashing out ideas with my coach and business mentor. This opportunity only comes up once in every two months and I really want to go. But who wants to look after three extra children on a Friday afternoon? Perhaps I won’t go. It would be much easier to stay at home. I can’t do the full day as it is, because I’d need to drop the girls at school first before driving 3 hours, I’d only be able to stay for a maximum two hours before jumping in the car again and driving the 3 hours home again. But it is worth it. I get so much out of these meetings.

There has got to be a way. Don’t take no for an answer, who can I ask to have the girls for a couple of hours? Who? Ah I know. I have a couple of ideas, will make a call and see if they would mind. I’m not taking no for an answer.

Will keep you posted on the outcome of this one!

So are you brave enough to accept the challenge? Or are you going to look back regretfuly when you see your friends and colleagues around you leaping forward, taking big strides as they break through the fears and challenges that once held them back?

Saturday 8 May 2010

How To Customize Your Facebook Fan Page URL

Whether for business or personal use there's no doubt about it Social Media is big news and its here to stay for the foreseeable future.

Email is no longer the most obvious way of communicating - facebook is. How often do you write on friends/fans walls whe you want to send a note or message?

So what happens when you want to share your link? Facebook links tend to be long, particualrly if you have a fan page, or official page as they are now called.

I stumbled across this You Tube video, that shows you how to create a shorter and more memorable facebook url.